Fun Pineapple Fact: “Pineapple contains the enzyme bromelain, which breaks down proteins. It’s what makes your mouth tingle, burn or maybe even bleed. This is because bromelain is trying to break down the proteins in your mouth, so when you eat pineapple, it’s pretty much eating you back”
Do you like this magical fruit? I love it.
I also love things that are backwards, inside out or upside down. I begin many things from the ending (yes, I’m a last chapter peeker ;))
My self care journey has been one of learning from the outside in.
After moving to a new town at age 10, I unconsciously abandoned many parts of who I was. I shut down. I missed my friends. I resented my parents. I despised the newness of everything. I became quiet and detached.
As I came slowly back to reality, I noticed what I had been “missing” along the way. Happiness, fun, joy, friendships. I played a game of catch-up that lasted most of my young adolescence and through young adulthood.
Others seemed to have it all. I wanted what they had. I searched outside myself for what was disconnected within. I took risks, big risks to prove myself and seek approval. They didnt pay off. I now carried the pain of Self-abandonment and the pain of others.
I drank and smoked and danced many nights away. They were in an effort to feel something real or good, a desperate attempt to “remember” the joyful, natural parts of myself that had gone dormant. Then, I stumbled into a yoga class with my Mom… Friday nights at 6pm, the perfect pregame to a weekend of running around. But the teacher said things and offered things that began to soften my racing mind and body. I had the urge to slow down. I started to open to the idea of listening to myself again.
My teacher is a Goddess. She carried me and I carried her passion for the therapeutic benefits of this ancient practice. As she committed to share her knowledge, she offered her first yoga teacher training.
I jumped right in at the last minute with $3000 in Bartending cash I had scraped up in a few dedicated weekends. I had no idea what it would bring. I just knew I needed it. Something made me go.
I showed up 10 minutes late to my 1st Saturday morning of weekend trainings with a Styrofoam D&D cup full of coffee. I’d finish work the night before at 4am, get home and settled at 5 and was due in the studio at 9. Same thing on Sundays, except after training, I would often go straight to a Sunday Night Football sports programming shift at SiriusXM.
The first few weeks of training, I yawned every 12 minutes, like clockwork. I learned the muscles and bones and absorbed the history of Yoga from India, the Science of the Self. I was coming back home to my body. I stuggled and excelled simultaneously. I designed a beautiful class for my peers and teacher as my final exam. I had found my inner confidence.
I couldn’t wait to teach this amazing thing called yoga to others. I spoke of it highly and became a fountain, spreading how it could solve any and every problem, including world peace ✌️My friends, parents and partners indulged me. They allowed me to be excited, although it wasn’t quite the same for them.
They would go to a class here and there, but it was difficult to connect with yoga’s lasting power in this modern world-on-speed. I knew I needed it if I had any chance of being myself again. I had to share it more, broader, quicker!
Once again, my approach was a bit backwards. I was ready to teach yoga at the drop of a dime but my relationship with it at home was hit or miss. Sometimes I’d get out my mat and play and practice and write down and breathe. Other times, it sat in my closet for weeks. I taught classes during this time nearly every other day, pushing how self-care is empowering!
Over the past few years, I have slowed down, I am a Mother, I am a Wife, a Steward of my home, land and animals. I have prioritized my life in ways that say no to things that aren’t cutting it energetically. I am supported and I receive what I need with Grace and Gratitude. I take care of myself each day through yoga, meditation, walking, running, nature, food and reflection. My work has become my way.
However, I still begin many things in unique ways. My mission to empower women by supporting their self-care and has been preceeded by, and connected to my mission to offer veterans (mostly males) the tools of stress management through trauma-informed yoga. I am on a mission to Normalize Self-Worth and whatever that means for me, I have yet to awaken (fully) to yet.
Like the Pineapple, I’m eating away each stage of my own healing from the inside out, from the outside in.
Thank you for being here for it and with me. ♡